I made it through first year (barely), and am here able to finally write again. The next year of graduate school will still be challenging, but nothing compared to the year that just finished. It was horrible. I advice anyone who is considering a masters degree to really really make sure it is what you want to do with your life. It is the type of experience that will bend you to the point of breaking-and in the case of SLP class 2013-14 many did break. It became a regular occurrence to pass someone crying in the hall and implicitly understand that it's a bad day. Often times we did not need comforting, we just needed to let the tears fall until we realized there was work to be done and clients to see.

The best part about all of this is knowing that the worst is behind us! We made it. Sure, some of us failed clinic or a class and have to repeat, but overall it is nothing we can't handle.

I made personal gains through this past year as well. I feel so much more confident in who I am. I no longer view parts of myself as "bad" and accept myself. My faith has grown to an infinite level. I believe in life after this because of my father's sudden passing. I also believe with every ounce of my being that everything happens for a reason. I feel happy, blessed, and trusting of life.

Why I chose science...

The reason I chose Science over Art....

In today's society I chose science because science is a constant and it fulfills me in a way that art does not. It does not touch my soul but it puzzles my mind. I would rather spend a day of science and go home and paint.

Art is something that touches my soul. I would never want it to dictate my life. I could not want to have a boss tell me what to create. The constrictions would make me very unhappy. Part of what I love about art is that it is unique to how I feel in that moment and it allows me to express myself.

So maybe I chose the safe route. I chose science and I paint on the damn weekends.

We're All Mad Here

Hi loves,

I would like to update you all. I completed my stuttering and cleft palate course. I found it oh-so interesting. I must admit I had my doubts coming to this school and it's lack of modern views on areas that will continue to impact my career for years to come. However, this semester I feel much more satisfied with my educational experience.

The clients that I was assigned this semester are meshing well with my passion and I am ever so excited to help them succeed with their goals. I have a 6 foot something gentleman who stutters and another sweetheart with down syndrome. Yesterday, I thanked my mom for exposing me to individuals with disabilities so young. One of my first friends was one of my moms clients who had a developmental delay. Her name was Cindy and she taught me to accept everyone just the way they are. I love the diversity that is within our universe.

When people ask me what I do? What does a Speech Pathologist (in training) really do? The answer stumps nearly everyone in the field. It is difficult to put into words what we do. We look at the person that we are working with as if they were a puzzle. We have science that we need to apply to the individual but then we need to understand that each peson is as unique as a snowflake and therefore we must apply art. We must be able to look into the clients eyes and read what they really want to happen. We must help guide their goals and motivate their progress. We are helpers, teachers, counsellors, and scientists all in one profession.

To all of you who were wondering what I was doing out here in the world.

xo

My loves,

I am sorry for the sparseness of my writing and the inconsistency. I predict the remainder of my time at school will result in me going missing for periods at a time.

I have just finished my winter semester, which is different then Canadian schools. This was through the month of January where we took one class everyday. The class was on stuttering and cleft palate. I found it very interesting and felt affirmation regarding my career choice. Now, I get a weekend off and then I start spring semester AKA hell part 2. I plan to write again this weekend and hopefully inspire a few souls to reach out to those they love.

Love N

Maybe our eyes are the moon and our brain the stars.

I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer.
At night I fell asleep with visions of myself, dancing and laughing and crying with them.
Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour, and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me, and my only real happy times.
I was a singer - not a very popular one,
I once had a dreams of becoming a beautiful poet, but upon an unfortunate series of events some of those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken.
But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted, and then losing it to know what true freedom is.
When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living, they asked me why - but there's no use in talking to people who have home.
They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people - for home to be wherever you lay your head.
I was always an unusual girl.
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean...
And if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way I'd be lying...
Because I was born to be the other woman.
I belonged to no one, who belonged to everyone.
Who had nothing, who wanted everything, with a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.

Every night I used to pray that I’d find my people, and finally I did on the open road.
We had nothing to lose, nothing to gain, nothing we desired anymore, except to make our lives into a work of art.
Live fast. Die young. Be wild. And have fun.
I believe in the country America used to be.
I believe in the person I want to become.
I believe in the freedom of the open road.
And my motto is the same as ever:
"I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I’m at war with myself I ride, I just ride."
Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.

Snow is falling.

Happy New Years!

AH! Once again, I am back in Buffalo. I started my year off right with the personal promise to be more organized, and motivated. I promise no matter how busy life gets that I will still jaunt down some inspirational words to my readers.

A year at a glance...
2012 was a great one. There had been so much change in my life from 2010- 2012 that I really was not sure I could take that much more. That being said, it lead me to where I am right now. Defining 2012, could be summed up in a year of change. I learnt that the most important friend is myself, and that people will surprise you. Some people have coldness in their heart and will try to bring you down. I learned to forgive and let go. Friends will come and go, but true friends are always there. I got into my masters and nearly lost my mind from sleepless nights. I spent time with my family, and my new love. I learned the validity of 'we accept the love we think we desserve'. I vouched never to settle for less than I deserve ever again, and to be confident in who I am and what I want. I loved and lost. I loved and won. The most important thing that happened in 2012 was that I accepted who I am and I learned how to be happy. 

To all my readers, please never change who you are. If someone does not appreciate your being than it is time to part ways. We are each as unique as the snow falling from the sky. Love yourself the most, but be kind to those you meet.

-N-

Merry Christmas My Dears!

SO much catching up to do! The past semester was very difficult. I hardly slept or ate. I barely survived my first semester. BUT, I did. I hope the next year goes as fast as the past 4 months because it is very difficult being away from everyone I love. I also, have met some lovely new friends. They kept me on track when I felt like I was about to lose my mind.

I hope everyone is enjoying time with family, friends, and significant others during this Christmas Eve. I feel so incredibly blessed and happy. Life has given me everything I ever hoped for (and more).

Maybe Christmas, the Grinch thought, doesn't come from a store.