New Beginnings

I was thinking of letting my blog end. I started it 2? 3? years ago, and I felt the person that began this blog is not the person I am today. Sure, I still like all the same things (e.g., reading, coffee, baking, crafts, animals), but my outlook based off life experiences has changed so much. I left on a big adventure to another country in hopes to gain my education. At the time that I left I had a crippling anxiety and depression problem. You hear about those kind of things but you think they happen to other people. Nope. I had it, and I had it bad. I won't bore you with the details but it's exactly how it's described in textbooks. To give you one example of how bad my anxiety was when I arrived on my adventure I was to scared to drive down one street (approximately 3 miles) to get to school, so I got up extra early for the first month to walk to school. I got the help I needed and I can't say I am "better", but I know how to deal with myself better. I encourage you to seek help if you need it. I think it takes more strength to admit weakness then pretending you're okay when you are not. Anxiety and depression is a lifelong battle and you learn to take it minute by minute.

Where I am at today is very different than two years ago. Facing my fears and going to some dark places in my soul helped me become who I am today. I was always afraid of someone I loved dying, being alone or failing. However, I survived death. I was alone in a strange country with a handful of friends, and I fell MANY time often feeling inadequate. I found it really is true that you only fail when you admit defeat and you stay down. I have learned to live without a plan and accept life as it comes. I am living in the present, I do not get overly excited about the future because I know it is uncertain and I don't get as depressed about the past; it's gone. 

As for love, I am over concerning myself with it. I am sure it exists and it will happen one day for me, but in the meantime I am living this awesome adventure we call life. I learned to trust my gut and to follow my heart. I still feel bad about those who I hurt, but it was for the best at the time. I have made mistakes and had boys hurt me. I learned that sex does not equal love and that as woman we hold all the power (so remember that ladies). 

I want to change the style of my blog, but not without an explanation of why. I want it to be happy, upbeat and a reflection of my current life. I hope it inspires anyone to take a leap of faith to the unknown and if you "fail" it is only a step in your journey. Oh, and keep your friends that you make your family close because those people will help you up on your darkest of days. 

 

To new beginnings, to the future, to happiness, and to my friends I call family. With all my heart I thank you for being so wonderful and true. I wouldn't be where I am today without you all.